Dear Lindsay Lohan from Francisco Foreskin
Dear Lindsay,
Holy fingernails, I am on a roll lately. What in zee hell is going on with your life? I used to be a big fan when you were little on the Disney channel and now your freckles have turned to bleached out ugly face. Go back to dark hair! You don't have to be blond for people to like you. Sure, it is true to that American bullshit prizes blond hair, as I get turned away from people all zee time because of my dark moustache, but I have been true to myself and so should you.
I don't know exactly what kind of drugs you are doing, but I fink that you should really fink about overeating instead. Nobody get arrested for that bullsheet.
Your mother and father need to get it together too. And you putting up on your Twitter that your mother has been your strength and all that fake sheet. Please! Your father may be a fame sucker but at least he's speaking zee truth! And all zees sheet on your Twitter about being treated unfairly? I tell you a little story and then I'm done here. Once upon a time a very not nice man took some tweezers and had to pull out of my anus a rock that my mother put up there because I would not listen to her. If you want to talk unfair, you call my landline and then I'll call you back from my calling card. Ok?
Holy fingernails, I am on a roll lately. What in zee hell is going on with your life? I used to be a big fan when you were little on the Disney channel and now your freckles have turned to bleached out ugly face. Go back to dark hair! You don't have to be blond for people to like you. Sure, it is true to that American bullshit prizes blond hair, as I get turned away from people all zee time because of my dark moustache, but I have been true to myself and so should you.
I don't know exactly what kind of drugs you are doing, but I fink that you should really fink about overeating instead. Nobody get arrested for that bullsheet.
Your mother and father need to get it together too. And you putting up on your Twitter that your mother has been your strength and all that fake sheet. Please! Your father may be a fame sucker but at least he's speaking zee truth! And all zees sheet on your Twitter about being treated unfairly? I tell you a little story and then I'm done here. Once upon a time a very not nice man took some tweezers and had to pull out of my anus a rock that my mother put up there because I would not listen to her. If you want to talk unfair, you call my landline and then I'll call you back from my calling card. Ok?
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