Our So Called 30's: Why So Confused?
As we move into our early thirties there are a few issues that come up for myself and a few of our friends. It's a time that we are wondering where our life is headed and are we in control of our own destiny? And one thing that I'm finding more and more is couples who aren't able to stay together because one person is going through some sort of crisis.
When we hear those people talk they are searching for this perfect life "my partner doesn't clean" or "I just feel like I need to reinvent myself". It's a time when all of the sudden we realize that we have to make choices that reflect the life we want. I can't help but wonder: will we always go through reinvention and we just need to know how to navigate through it with our loved ones?
Giving up on a relationship happens. Sometimes you walk away because its abusive, the person has no clue who you are, or sometimes you just meet someone else and its time to move on. But when you are in the thick of a relationship that's been going strong for many years, is it worth all of that to walk away when you suddenly have a mid life crisis?
We hear of this all the time in movies or on TV. Who can forget the movie American Beauty or Beautiful Girls. Beautiful Girls is all about couples in their 30's that are having problems with commitment after years of relationships. It's not uncommon for men or women to get scared when they find themselves in routine or better yet they haven't done much to continue growing.
I think couples and our friends can survive these moments by realizing that it's OK to change the relationship! Sometimes that dynamic needs to change or sometimes one person needs a vacation to feel the freedom to decide who they are again. We are only human and we don't exist within the confines of a relationship only. At one time we were single and lived our lives according to what we wanted. Sometimes we have to think about just ourselves again.
Another reason I think these breakdowns happen is lack of communication which is easily fixed if two people are willing to find a mediator. What's all the hush hush about therapists?! They are nice people and quite honestly I can't imagine getting through a few things myself without one. When I've suggested therapy to one person it was as if I told her to get an abortion. Please! Therapy is the new drug and if everybody used it we would evolve much faster.....
Sometimes Brent and I watch friendships revolve around us, couples going through trauma, or we experience our own issues and it always comes back to this: what is it that makes us all tick? Something always drives a person to feel ignored, unattended to, lost, or generally unhappy. It's usually this one little voice that is set off by one little thing. It's important to take hold of it, know it, and allow yourself to feel it and talk about it. The most common thing I find amongst troubled couples is they've never talked about those deep intimate issues. Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it! After so many years you should know everything about your partner including the color of his or her poop.
You can take this blog as rant or some common sense ideas. It's just my personal feeling and questioning of how we can change that oh so common era of "omigod I'm 30 and I feel like I've failed at life". It's just not true and furthermore, our whole lives are waiting for us only now. I feel like we are just getting started with our lives as the people that we finally understand within ourselves. The dark side, the light side...all of it and loving it through good and bad. We can never love anyone else unless we forgive and truly know our own faults and strengths.
When we hear those people talk they are searching for this perfect life "my partner doesn't clean" or "I just feel like I need to reinvent myself". It's a time when all of the sudden we realize that we have to make choices that reflect the life we want. I can't help but wonder: will we always go through reinvention and we just need to know how to navigate through it with our loved ones?
Giving up on a relationship happens. Sometimes you walk away because its abusive, the person has no clue who you are, or sometimes you just meet someone else and its time to move on. But when you are in the thick of a relationship that's been going strong for many years, is it worth all of that to walk away when you suddenly have a mid life crisis?
We hear of this all the time in movies or on TV. Who can forget the movie American Beauty or Beautiful Girls. Beautiful Girls is all about couples in their 30's that are having problems with commitment after years of relationships. It's not uncommon for men or women to get scared when they find themselves in routine or better yet they haven't done much to continue growing.
I think couples and our friends can survive these moments by realizing that it's OK to change the relationship! Sometimes that dynamic needs to change or sometimes one person needs a vacation to feel the freedom to decide who they are again. We are only human and we don't exist within the confines of a relationship only. At one time we were single and lived our lives according to what we wanted. Sometimes we have to think about just ourselves again.
Another reason I think these breakdowns happen is lack of communication which is easily fixed if two people are willing to find a mediator. What's all the hush hush about therapists?! They are nice people and quite honestly I can't imagine getting through a few things myself without one. When I've suggested therapy to one person it was as if I told her to get an abortion. Please! Therapy is the new drug and if everybody used it we would evolve much faster.....
Sometimes Brent and I watch friendships revolve around us, couples going through trauma, or we experience our own issues and it always comes back to this: what is it that makes us all tick? Something always drives a person to feel ignored, unattended to, lost, or generally unhappy. It's usually this one little voice that is set off by one little thing. It's important to take hold of it, know it, and allow yourself to feel it and talk about it. The most common thing I find amongst troubled couples is they've never talked about those deep intimate issues. Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it! After so many years you should know everything about your partner including the color of his or her poop.
You can take this blog as rant or some common sense ideas. It's just my personal feeling and questioning of how we can change that oh so common era of "omigod I'm 30 and I feel like I've failed at life". It's just not true and furthermore, our whole lives are waiting for us only now. I feel like we are just getting started with our lives as the people that we finally understand within ourselves. The dark side, the light side...all of it and loving it through good and bad. We can never love anyone else unless we forgive and truly know our own faults and strengths.
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