Your Horoscopes for 2008
For those who have read my blog for a long time, I used to do horoscopes every week. Then after a while I was "hired" by someone to do them for an online satirical magazine. But that project flopped and the guy closed shop. So I haven't done these in a while. I vow to do them again more regularly because some of you said that when you read them, it really helped you live your lives.
Capricorn-Good morning and Happy New Year. It's a blizzard outside. And soon there will be one in your toilet.
Aquarius-Change would be good for you this year as dollar bills are causing you to lose everything you have.
Pisces-When someone approaches you about opening your cupcake shop you will feel flattered until you remember that you ARE a cupcake and suddenly you feel violated.
Aries-Love will find you strange and distant. But you'll always have your massage therapy career where you can touch people.
Taurus-When you feel lonely this year, remember "Jesus is the reason for the pleasin'"
Gemini-You will feel happy and joyful with your snowwoman and showchildren until about March 1st.
Cancer-It's never too late for anything. Except your period sometime in the summer of 2008. Surprise!
Leo-Is it just me or are the stars terrorists? Anyway, enjoy being an astronaut.
Virgo-Virgo is clearly short for virgin daquari which is short for virgin mary so you do the math when a drunken night leads you to find the Lord.
Libra-Politics will prove most perplexing this year at an Obama Rally. But don't worry, you aren't the only one who mistakenly brought some weed and a lawn chair. Your neighbor will bring the bible and some rice crispy treats.
Scorpio-Cooking with wine will be your new trademark of 2008. And by wine I mean poison.
Saggitarius-When you least expect it love will come at you with flailing arms except its not love its your girlfriend of one too many years crying.
Capricorn-Good morning and Happy New Year. It's a blizzard outside. And soon there will be one in your toilet.
Aquarius-Change would be good for you this year as dollar bills are causing you to lose everything you have.
Pisces-When someone approaches you about opening your cupcake shop you will feel flattered until you remember that you ARE a cupcake and suddenly you feel violated.
Aries-Love will find you strange and distant. But you'll always have your massage therapy career where you can touch people.
Taurus-When you feel lonely this year, remember "Jesus is the reason for the pleasin'"
Gemini-You will feel happy and joyful with your snowwoman and showchildren until about March 1st.
Cancer-It's never too late for anything. Except your period sometime in the summer of 2008. Surprise!
Leo-Is it just me or are the stars terrorists? Anyway, enjoy being an astronaut.
Virgo-Virgo is clearly short for virgin daquari which is short for virgin mary so you do the math when a drunken night leads you to find the Lord.
Libra-Politics will prove most perplexing this year at an Obama Rally. But don't worry, you aren't the only one who mistakenly brought some weed and a lawn chair. Your neighbor will bring the bible and some rice crispy treats.
Scorpio-Cooking with wine will be your new trademark of 2008. And by wine I mean poison.
Saggitarius-When you least expect it love will come at you with flailing arms except its not love its your girlfriend of one too many years crying.
Comments