It's Over
The weekend ended. There was blood sweat and tears. There were moments when I thought I had been shaken. I was accused of being heartless and that I hated someone's child. I was was even threatened. There is a lot that happens behind the scenes of any creative project. You always hope that everyone involved will be mindful, understanding, and patient. But stage mom's are the worst.
I was standing backstage during our last show. And a mother, who I like very much, is talking to me about the whole experience. "You were great," she says. "Yes, next year I have a lot of improvements to make," I respond. "Next year? Well, it's a good sign you are talking about next year huh?" We laugh.
When I told someone back in February that I wanted to make a movie, they told me it would take too much preparation. That it might be too hard to do without a whole crew working for me. They told me an improvised film needed a solid script and that no filmmaker in the area would work without a script.
I started the process immediately. It bothered me somewhat that people doubted me. But I still continued with my idea. I admit, at times I had no idea what I was doing. I just created my own process. Went with my gut instinct.
Then we met a filmmaker. He seemed indecisive about things. It worried me. I auditioned hundreds of people for the film and told the director I was moving forward. He wanted more time to plan a script. I told him my writing process was done. The people I would bring on to do the movie would know how to improvise from the script. He doubted me. I casted my movie. The director backed out.
I set up our rehearsal schedule and continued on. We didn't have anyone to film the movie. I told my cast this. I told my cast that I would find someone and the movie would be made. Everyone trusted me, because I was so sure.
Then my friend hooked me up with a guy. We got our movie done. The process was amazing and fun and at times frustrating. But we got the movie done.
Later our editor would get too busy to edit. I found another editor. And now here we are. Almost coming to completion, a year later.
My point? Nothing should shake a person to the point of losing site of the goal. If you want to paint. Then paint. If you want to dance. Then dance. If you want to write. Then write something. I don't give a shit if I was or wasn't an accomplished film director back in February. I wanted to make a movie. I made a movie. It's that simple.
Now I look back on the Nutcracker experience, running that whole backstage arena, and some people couldn't believe I came back day after day. Maybe its just in my personality. I don't give up. Even if its difficult and I feel hot in my veins, I just don't give up. Not to say that I've never walked away from something or someone in my life. But you have to know when its the right thing to walk away from. I needed to have this experience. I learned from it. And on Saturday night I watched from the balcony. An Australian girl who dances for the company is on stage as Snow Plum. In person she is kind and lovely. On stage she brings tears to my eyes. And in that moment, I know why I do this. So that people who have the passion to be on that stage can...dance with ease. Feel that light on their face and shine so brightly. I'm not there to worry about those who dance because someone is fighting for them or because of ego. If they are creating based on false pretense, then so be it. The Australian girl, myself, you, and whoever else believes in kindness and being true will make this world a better place.
And when I was done with it all? I was happy. I skipped through the snow to the Nutcracker march and went out for $2 PBR's.
Today is Monday and I took the day off. I will clean my house, log some tapes, finish xmas shopping, and visit an old friend. Back to life.
I was standing backstage during our last show. And a mother, who I like very much, is talking to me about the whole experience. "You were great," she says. "Yes, next year I have a lot of improvements to make," I respond. "Next year? Well, it's a good sign you are talking about next year huh?" We laugh.
When I told someone back in February that I wanted to make a movie, they told me it would take too much preparation. That it might be too hard to do without a whole crew working for me. They told me an improvised film needed a solid script and that no filmmaker in the area would work without a script.
I started the process immediately. It bothered me somewhat that people doubted me. But I still continued with my idea. I admit, at times I had no idea what I was doing. I just created my own process. Went with my gut instinct.
Then we met a filmmaker. He seemed indecisive about things. It worried me. I auditioned hundreds of people for the film and told the director I was moving forward. He wanted more time to plan a script. I told him my writing process was done. The people I would bring on to do the movie would know how to improvise from the script. He doubted me. I casted my movie. The director backed out.
I set up our rehearsal schedule and continued on. We didn't have anyone to film the movie. I told my cast this. I told my cast that I would find someone and the movie would be made. Everyone trusted me, because I was so sure.
Then my friend hooked me up with a guy. We got our movie done. The process was amazing and fun and at times frustrating. But we got the movie done.
Later our editor would get too busy to edit. I found another editor. And now here we are. Almost coming to completion, a year later.
My point? Nothing should shake a person to the point of losing site of the goal. If you want to paint. Then paint. If you want to dance. Then dance. If you want to write. Then write something. I don't give a shit if I was or wasn't an accomplished film director back in February. I wanted to make a movie. I made a movie. It's that simple.
Now I look back on the Nutcracker experience, running that whole backstage arena, and some people couldn't believe I came back day after day. Maybe its just in my personality. I don't give up. Even if its difficult and I feel hot in my veins, I just don't give up. Not to say that I've never walked away from something or someone in my life. But you have to know when its the right thing to walk away from. I needed to have this experience. I learned from it. And on Saturday night I watched from the balcony. An Australian girl who dances for the company is on stage as Snow Plum. In person she is kind and lovely. On stage she brings tears to my eyes. And in that moment, I know why I do this. So that people who have the passion to be on that stage can...dance with ease. Feel that light on their face and shine so brightly. I'm not there to worry about those who dance because someone is fighting for them or because of ego. If they are creating based on false pretense, then so be it. The Australian girl, myself, you, and whoever else believes in kindness and being true will make this world a better place.
And when I was done with it all? I was happy. I skipped through the snow to the Nutcracker march and went out for $2 PBR's.
Today is Monday and I took the day off. I will clean my house, log some tapes, finish xmas shopping, and visit an old friend. Back to life.
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