Recipe for Infant Rearing
Here are a few things I think every good baby and mother should have. Angelina and Gwenyth are knocking at my door for this so feel lucky!
1. Lipstick (every good baby needs lipstick! you would be amazed at how happy it makes them look even when they are crying. )
2. Diamond/Gold Chain (baby with bling labels you a good parent -NO MATTER WHAT)
3. Recording Device (this especially useful when baby is 20 and still livnig at home-pllayback their own infant screaming fiascos while they are sleeping in at noon)
4. Permanant Markers (babies love permanant markers!
5. Diaper Geni 4000XXX Super Deluxe (this one actually rips diaper to shreds and then eats it. where the diaper goes i don't know. but be careful sometimes these things mistake diaper for baby)
6. Mr. and Mrs. Smith the movie (this makes every baby appreciate the mommy and daddy they have)
7. Starbucks gift card (what doesn't starbucks offer for babies?)
8. Spray tan (pale babies are out)
9. Giant balloon with drawn on smiley face (offers felling of protection to baby when placed near crib at night. if baby cries, add lipstick to balloon lips)
10. Pantyhose (in case you need to diguise baby)
11. Drivers Liscence (who else is going to drive mommy and daddy home after cocktails?)
12. Litter box (indoor sandbox. unless you have cat. or not. whatever. they both create stink so don't always blame kitty.)
13. Hair dye (to mask the bald look)
14. Black onesie (for goth baby)
15. Sam's card (every good baby is a walmart shopper)
16. Bird friend (for baby transportation or just some pleasant baby-bird chit chat while mommy is sleeping)
1. Lipstick (every good baby needs lipstick! you would be amazed at how happy it makes them look even when they are crying. )
2. Diamond/Gold Chain (baby with bling labels you a good parent -NO MATTER WHAT)
3. Recording Device (this especially useful when baby is 20 and still livnig at home-pllayback their own infant screaming fiascos while they are sleeping in at noon)
4. Permanant Markers (babies love permanant markers!
5. Diaper Geni 4000XXX Super Deluxe (this one actually rips diaper to shreds and then eats it. where the diaper goes i don't know. but be careful sometimes these things mistake diaper for baby)
6. Mr. and Mrs. Smith the movie (this makes every baby appreciate the mommy and daddy they have)
7. Starbucks gift card (what doesn't starbucks offer for babies?)
8. Spray tan (pale babies are out)
9. Giant balloon with drawn on smiley face (offers felling of protection to baby when placed near crib at night. if baby cries, add lipstick to balloon lips)
10. Pantyhose (in case you need to diguise baby)
11. Drivers Liscence (who else is going to drive mommy and daddy home after cocktails?)
12. Litter box (indoor sandbox. unless you have cat. or not. whatever. they both create stink so don't always blame kitty.)
13. Hair dye (to mask the bald look)
14. Black onesie (for goth baby)
15. Sam's card (every good baby is a walmart shopper)
16. Bird friend (for baby transportation or just some pleasant baby-bird chit chat while mommy is sleeping)
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